Thank you and some new things...

I just wanted to say thank you to those of you who wrote comments about my long posts entitled Are you a godly woman if you use canned spaghetti sauce Part 1, Part 2, Part 3? I was encouraged by your comments and some of your ideas for how you make it work for your family and are able to minister to those around you were helpful for me. I pray that we would continue to learn from each other and grow as godly women in the Lord.

I have mentioned previously about the women's retreat that I had the privilege of attending here in Kathmandu earlier this month and have blogged about some of the things God was showing and teaching me there. Well, there are just a few more I would like to share with you. One of the mornings the main speaker said this:

"Satan does not care about you. He doesn't love you. He wants to kick you when you are down. He has no compassion for you."

Wow. Satan is my enemy. I know that. He is the complete opposite of God and all He stands for. But for some reason when Ms. Bettie said this, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It make me think...does the fact that Satan hates me (and my family, my friends, my co-workers, my neighbors) make me live any differently? Am I daily asking for the Holy Spirit to protect me from Satan's lies and attacks? Am I calling sin: sin and evil: evil, everyday or do I just go about my day without much thought of the fact that there is someone out there that HATES me, that wants everything bad for me and my family, that wants to see me fail, that finds joy in my weaknesses and faults and sin? Am I conscious of the spiritual battle going on around me everyday? Am I prepared for it? Am I tapping completely into the power of Christ, the One who has overcome the world? the One who has power over evil, sin and death?

We are fighting a battle ladies! We have a REAL enemy. Let's not walk blindly through this life, let's put on the full armor and fight with the strength that can only come from Christ: Our amazing God who cares about us, loves us (so much), who wants to lift us up when we are down and who has great mercy, grace and compassion on us!

Why I (now) hate stink bugs...

It is 9:47 pm and I just returned from my second (unexpected) shower of the night. Why, you might ask? Well that is a great question...because I just got sprayed or pooped on or tooted on or whatever it is that stink bugs do when they land on you and get "threatened" as my husband says. Yes, a stink bug (a giant one, I might add) landed on me about 15 minutes ago. I was unaware of his presence and all of a sudden he started making his way up my neck and I felt him and I squealed and I knocked him off of my neck all of which was "threatening" to him, I guess. My husband ran in to find out what was wrong and I just kept pointing at the bug (which I DID NOT know was a stink bug at the time) on the floor and asking him to get rid of it all the while telling him that the bug STUNK (is that a word)? He was just laughing at me and told me that "my new friend" was in fact a stink bug...hence the stink! I felt violated and smelly so it was off to the shower again. I am back and feel much better. But the most important question now is, "Where did the stink bug come from???" We are not safe anywhere...even in the comfort of our own office chair...darn stink bug!

Are we less of a godly woman if we use canned spaghetti sauce??? Part 3

Continued from previous 2 posts...

I feel that we in many ways are living in the past; we've reverted to the past, pre-feminism. As a response to feminism, which in many ways sets up the individual as god, Christianity looked to cultural and social answers for a biblical role of a godly woman. I think that Christian godly woman in the past HAD to make bread, HAD to learn to sew, HAD to make dinner from scratch every night. I think that we have falsely equated what they HAD to do to survive and thrive with what we have to do in this day and age. Is it WRONG to buy store bought bread? Are we less of a godly woman if we use canned spaghetti sauce? MUCH MORE IMPORTANTLY, where does homemaking fit into the work of the Gospel, for which all of God's children are responsible?: certainly it [homemaking] plays a major role, but it is by no means a complete understanding of the role of a Christian woman in the world bringing the Good News to the lost.

I know you have thought these things. And you know what one of the biggest problems is? Because the Christian culture is telling us that these things are most important, our husbands (like us) believe it. So if you don't make bread but Mary from across the street does, then she is doing what she is supposed to, and we are not.

What about teaching our daughters to serve their husbands, families, homes AND to love the lost, to spend time serving others around her, to spend time cleaning the old ladies house down the street, to spend time washing dishes at the homeless shelter, to take food to others to bless them, to share what Christ has done in her life with the world. The only way she is going to learn these things is if we model them in our own lives. This is "Discipleship 101."

Serving others around you does not mean that your home life has to suffer. I definitely don’t think that that is what God intends. It just means that you figure out what is most important and do it and teach it. Figure out what is most important because God says so and not because the world (Christian or not) is telling you so. It would be amazing to know how much the world is changed if every housewife shared her faith with at least one other woman a week, if every housewife not only made bread for her family but also made it for the neighbor's family.

There are many ways to do this and make it happen. Maybe you can sit down with your husband and figure out just one hour a week where he can stay home with the kids and you can get out. For women on this side of the world, this may be easier for you because your husbands' schedules may be more flexible (and many of us have some sort of house help). For ladies whose husbands have full time, set-hour jobs, this may be more difficult, but you also could hire a high school kid to come and stay at home with your children for just one hour while you spend time visiting with ladies on your street. (I encouraged taking your children with you before. These are just ideas if that is not possible or for times you would just like to be able to have a deeper conversation without having to get up every few minutes to take care of the children.)

This all may sound silly, crazy even, but perhaps that is because there is little to no priority given to the Gospel. For wives who have husbands who have flexible work schedules, consider discussing this with him and seeing if there are ways that you can compromise and work out a few hours a week (or one day a week) that he can stay with the children while you go out into the community OR (since I am sure many of you might say that these things won't work) what about inviting women into our home? What about hosting lunches at our home for the ladies on our street and all chipping in to hire a babysitter (even just one babysitter who can be an extra set of hands) and talking about life issues? Serving them?

We make it work for things we want to do (ouch…I am speaking to myself here (in ALL of this) just as much ladies!) like going out to eat with friends, going to the mall or movies, but for some reason when it comes to ministry we have let ourselves become content with serving only within the confines of the home.

Have you ever been around women who say, "I know my ministry right now is to serve my husband and my children and take care of my home, but I am just not happy: I feel something is missing"? I have! I have been around MANY women like this who are battling between what the Christian community is telling them and what they understand Scripture is saying. I think this is because we are imbalanced about what we are teaching women is important, and I think this is because we are settling to stay in our comfort zones in our home and not push each other to look for ways that we can not only serve inside our home but also OUTSIDE among those that need the Gospel (OF COURSE I know your children need the Gospel too, PLEASE don't misunderstand or misread!), need to know God loves them and wants a relationship with them and has a perfect plan for their lives! I think this is also because our husbands are also listening to the "Christian culture" and thinking that we should be happy and content and fulfilled in our duties at home. So, they can't understand (and sometimes don't help) when we want to find some way to serve others in our community.

I think one of the most important things in all of this is the WHY. Why do we want help from our husbands...why do we want time to "get out", etc? Is it because we feel ENTITLED to some time away, because we desire EQUALITY so much, because we are seeking for something else to satisfy us other than our duties at home, because we feel our gifts and talents will be better utilized and appreciated outside of the home? If it is for one of these reasons I think we have MISSED it as well. I am not condoning ANY of these reasons. I am only suggesting that we should "get out" (or invite women in) because of our awesome responsibility as Christian, Jesus following, women to take Christ's love to the lost around us.

I am not asking you to approach your husband and tell him, "I need MY time." I am asking you to consider (and pray about) approaching your husband and explaining to him this INTENSE (God given) desire you have to SERVE your Lord with those around you and explain to him that you might need his help to do so. I am suggesting that you approach your husband and explain to him that you simply want to fulfill what the Lord has asked of you in impacting the world around you in your community BECAUSE of your love for Christ and NOT out of selfish motives.

I venture to say that if we do this, we will all be MORE equipped to serve our families and our home and will be better wives and moms because we are doing exactly what God asked us to do and not spending our days wondering why we feel like 'something is missing' the way that we often do.

I pray that as you have read this you feel LOVE and not condemnation. I pray that you see my humble, learning heart in all of this and not an arrogant spirit. I am not trying to be offensive or to shove my "opinions" down your throat. I am not trying to be a renegade and go against all cultural norms. I am not trying to JUDGE. I am not making a blanket statement that all Christian women are under this impression. I am not trying to put all Christian women in a box. I am trying to do the OPPOSITE!

I am trying to encourage and sharpen you and me. I am trying to hold us all to the correct standard. I am trying to search through Scripture and truly live according to God's plan. I am simply trying to help us all become the women that God has designed us to be.

**OK, I have already heard from a few of you (thanks for commenting) but I want to hear more. For those of you who stuck with me for all three posts, what do you think? I would love to know what this has done in your life. I would love to know your opinion on the matter, what God is teaching you. Leave a comment and let me know. Thanks!

Are we less of a godly woman if we use canned spaghetti sauce??? Part 2

Continued from previous post...

The Bible speaks about the roles of men and women. It also speaks about their worth. In God's eyes, men and women are different (thankfully!!!). They were created differently for a purpose. Thankfully, we have unique gifting and roles and responsibilities, but men and women have the same VALUE and worth. God died for men and women. He gave His life for all of us. His offer of salvation is a free gift for us all.

If we choose to accept his free offer of salvation, then there are certain responsibilities and commands that come along with that for both men and women. We are given the greatest commandment in Matthew 22:37-40, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" We also see in the Great Commission that Jesus tells us, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:19-20) We see throughout the Bible that we (as Christians, Christ followers) are to love and to serve others around us, to humble ourselves and serve our family, neighbor, friend or foe.

I hear so much about baking bread for your husband but what about baking bread for your husband AND your neighbors. Or what if instead of baking bread, you buy it at the store and spend that hour out in your front lawn or walking around your neighborhood meeting other moms like you and building relationships with them, relationships with them that lead to you being able to pour into her life and share with her about the amazing love of Christ.

Now, I am not saying that this should take away from your home or your children. Take your children with you: you are called to be a disciple-maker, and your children should be your number one disciples. Try and meet other women who have children their same age. They can play while you talk, not just for your social enjoyment or outlet but also for the purpose of the Gospel, in accord with your role as a Christian. I think we have lied to ourselves and have come to believe that staying home all day long every day and taking care of our family is enough, or that our role and service as a Christian woman within the home is enough, or is only what we are to be doing as a godly woman. I think we, in pursuit of serving God and our families in making our home a safe, comfortable haven, we have (in some ways) made a trap and snare for ourselves. Our home has become a place of worth to us, a place where we feel in control, where we feel powerful. We have made it hard for ourselves to venture outside of that comfort zone.

Oh, it is hard for me to say these things, because I don't think it is wrong to focus your energy and attention on your family. I don't think it is wrong to make fresh bread or make your home a comfortable place for your husband, but what I am saying and want to ask you is, "Is it enough?" As a Christian woman are you TRULY finding fulfillment in it (not personal fulfillment but do you feel you are doing all God is asking you to do?) I would venture to say that (if you are like me) many of you are not. You feel like there is something more, something more you can be doing, something more you can be pouring your life into. I am NOT saying that you need to spend 40 hours a week outside of your home (come on…there are things to do: dishes to wash, laundry to do, floors to sweep, food to make, naps to get (for the children of course :)), toys to play with, stuff to teach), but what I am saying is,

Is there time in your day that you could be spending in a way that impacts the kingdom of God outside of your home? Are their ways that you can be more intentional about reaching out to the woman around you every day? Are there ways that (after making sure your husband and children are getting the attention, love, care, example and service from you) that you can reach out to those outside of your family? Is making bread or learning to sew (although NOT bad things) what makes a godly woman?

To be continued tomorrow...

Are we less of a godly woman if we used canned spaghetti sauce?? Part 1 of 3

God has really been working in my heart and life lately and I have really been processing it and thinking through a lot of it. After praying about it, talking to some amazing godly women (who are some of my best friends) and discussing what the Lord had been convicting me of, I felt compelled to actually write some of it down and share it with you.

It is my desire and prayer that it will encourage all women (both you and me) to fulfill our God given responsibilities to take the Gospel to the lost, to love the Lord and to think of creative ways to do that in our amazing roles as wives, mothers, daughters and friends. I pray that God will speak to you as He has me as you read these next few posts (this is a LONG one so I have broken it into 3 parts that I will post over the next 3 days!)…

One of my friends who lives in South Asia recently said, "A huge reason I am alive is so God can use me in other people's lives." At that time it hit me and I took a second and wrote it down. I think often we get so busy and focused on what we need to do and what we want or how we feel that we forget to see that there are those all around us that we can serve.

I also think this goes beyond just our home. Recently, God has been speaking to me about what it means to be a godly woman, wife, and mother. As I have ventured into this new role of mom just 7 ½ short months ago, I have been evaluating what my new life should look like. I have been asking myself what the Bible says about this. I have been comparing it with what the "Christian culture" in America says and what the world says. To be honest, I am struggling with my findings right now.

Recently, I have been reading many Christian blogs and websites (I tend to spend a lot of time "blog jumping") about what it means to be a godly wife and mother these days. What I am finding has gotten me thinking: so much of what I find when I read about what it means to be a godly wife and mom is focused around "homemaking," or what it means to be a godly wife, mom, woman in the home among your family.

Now, I can see the big guns coming out now…just bear with me please.

These websites focus on teaching your daughter to be a homemaker and teaching her to love the home, love serving her husband, love serving her children, to be content washing dishes and cleaning and decorating her home. [Of course these are wonderful, necessary aspects of being a godly woman.] These sites teach that your daughters (and your) primary service, primary godly role, should be in the home, should be loving the home and making it a safe and comfortable haven for your family. They teach about the importance of making fresh bread, healthy food and nice curtains for your family. Now, what I am NOT saying is that these things are bad, because they certainly are not! But, what I have found difficult as I read these blogs is that I feel something HUGE is missing. I talk to SO many other wives who are serving over here in South Asia (and around the world), and they say things like, "I could be doing what I am doing in America. I don't even know why I live in this country. I just stay home all day and take care of my kids and my home. I never get to get out. I haven't learned language. I haven't met any national women."

I realize that what is happening (and has happened) is that the Christian church is fighting against the feminist movement that says that women should have equal responsibilities to men and that they should be "allowed" and "encouraged" to work outside of the home and that working in the home is not a worthy cause, etc, etc. (In other words, women and men are to have individual-focused lives, which is to the sacrifice of a biblical understanding of family, parenting, and all relationships in general.) But, what I think has happened instead is that we have taken it to the other extreme. What it boils down to is that I have not found much biblical evidence that a woman's "job" and calling is to stay home and make bread and cookies and clean her home all day long, only (Proverbs 31:10-31, among others). I am struggling with the fact that the church (my experience is mainly in America) is telling women that it is. My struggle is not with the role of a woman regarding her home and family, but the limitation of a woman to this disregarding her general calling and role as a Christian.

I am struggling with the fact that many Christian men and families feel that it is the husbands' responsibility (only) to be a light to the world, to go out into the community, to serve the world, leaving it the wives' job to be the light to her family and her children and her home. Again, these things are NOT bad but I think we are imbalanced. I think we have missed it.

Of course someone in the family has to work and from biblical example and teaching we can see that it is usually the man (or father) of the home who is the one who works outside of the home. So, then simple logistics say that the woman (unless she has to work) will be home with the children. If the children are home schooled or under school age, then the children will be home all day with the mother and the children and the home will become the woman's PRIMARY place of service. This makes sense and I don't think there is anything wrong with it (actually I am a huge supporter of stay at home moms. I pray that I can be one my entire life and serve and take care of my children at home. I think it is very important. I also am not saying that a full time job outside of the home is the goal, which has become a problem in American society to the detriment of the family. I am not saying that at all. I feel a job outside of the home CAN keep us from not having time to love and serve our family, AND even when women work outside of the home, it doesn't mean that they are being intentional about serving those around them). The problem I think comes when we say, "This [homemaking] is it," when we settle for serving ONLY inside our home, yes I said settle.

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW…

Desperate times call for desperate measures....parenting!

So lately, I have been realizing all of the crazy things that I have done (some I had to and others I chose to) since becoming a parent in order to care for my children. I thought it would be fun to make a little list of some of the (not so orthodox) things I have done (many of which I said I would NEVER do) since becoming a mom:

- I have chewed up 3 bananas at different times and fed it to Gracie and Keane that way when I have either run out of baby food while we are out or need something to keep them occupied with and it is all I have!

- I have realized that one of the babies has pooped and gone to change their diaper and realized that they only pooped one little nugget and at the same time realized that they were going to get a bath just 30 minutes later so instead of wasting a whole new diaper I have just removed the nugget and put on the old diaper until bath time...I know gross but hey with two in diapers and them costing about 25 cents each...some would call me 'thrifty'!

- I have fed both of my babies in their car seats while driving TWICE...well, I wasn't driving, Ryan was but I was turned around in the car and was feeding them while the car was moving and YES, Kathmandu roads are BUMPY and dirt in many places but you have got to do what you've got to do right? Needless to say, their carseats (and the two of them...) were covered in apples by the end of it but they were full and happy!

- I have eaten and tasted all of their baby foods and formula on different occassions to make sure the temperture of the food was ok or to unclog the bottle. I know it might not seem like that big of a deal but formula is GROSS!

- I have used girl bibs on Keane and boy bibs on Gracie, purple pacifiers for Keane, pink blankets for Keane, blue (obviously boy blankets) for Gracie...It may not seem like a big deal but it was something I said I would NEVER do before having children.

- I have had one of the babies spit up ALL over me after I have been dressed and been ready to go and have just washed the spot with some water or wet wipes and WORN THE SAME SHIRT! Gross...who does that?

- I have caught their spit up IN MY HAND to make sure that it did not land on the couch or my pants.

- I have blocked Keane's pee from getting on me and all over the place with my hand before a bath or while his diaper is off.

I am sure there are a ton more. Right now I can't think of any...I would LOVE to hear some of yours! Please leave a comment and share some the crazy (desperate) things you have done since becoming a parent. I will try to post my favorites on my blog in another post!

Who do you trust?

The main teacher at the retreat was an AMAZING woman named Bettie. She was 73 years old and FULL of spunk. She had so many wonderful things to say and she even shared her unbelievable testimony with us. During one of the teaching sessions she said, "Trust what God says to you through your quiet time more than what the world says to you all day long." Wow. It really spoke to me. I have been known to be a people pleaser and I regard highly what others say about me and my family and our work, etc. It is easy for me to get distracted. To hear God speak so clearly to me about a certain issue or struggle or decision in the morning during my time with Him and then to let the world and those around me sway my feelings on the issue. I often second guess what I heard from the Lord or question if it was just me making something up and I am sure there have been many times that I have gotten a clear answer from God but have made the wrong decision because I listened to what the world was telling me and did not listen to what I know God was speaking to me. I am definitely not saying that you should not take counsel from the godly men and women that God puts around you...that is not it at all. I am simply saying that if I know God has spoken to me, even if it sounds a bit "crazy" or different than what I would have liked or expected, then I need to just do it and not analyze about it with others and be creative about how I can not do it and still be obeying.