My God is SO faithful...

Wow it has been a LONG time since I updated this blog. I didn't really realize how long it has been. It seems each day that I think of a million things that I want to write about and then by the end of the day I can't seem to find the energy to put my thoughts into words...oh well...hopefully I will be able to find some time and energy to write about the things that God is really teaching me and all that is going on in my heart and head. For now though I want to share with you a story about how God showed His faithfulness to me SO clearly this past week that it totally blew me away:

Many of you know that Ryan, Keane, Gracie and I spent the past 10 days in India. We traveled to three cities (none of which are anywhere near each other) to visit friends and co-workers and get to "see" some of India. Overall the trip went really well and as smoothly as it could while traveling with two 22 month old toddlers (who did AMAZINGLY well considering all that we did and all the places we went!).

Anyway, even though most things went smoothly there were times that I was EXHAUSTED and worn out from the traveling and I have to admit that it often showed in my attitude. This one particular day we had just spent 5 days with our amazing friends in a city in the 'middle of India' and were traveling back to Delhi to stay the night before we left for a 12 hour car ride the next day to Northern India where we would go to Dharamsala. The only flight we could get was at night so we didn't leave our friends until 8:10 pm. That afternoon I had tried a couple of ATM's so that I could get out money for the rest of our trip and neither of them worked (I figured it was just because my bank was blocking my card from being used in India). Ryan and I decided that we would just exchange some of the US dollars we had brought with us into Indian rupees at the airport in Delhi...surely the capital will have places at the airport to exchange money.

When we finally arrived in Delhi at 9:45 pm all of us were wiped out....all we wanted to do was get in a taxi and get to the hotel. Well as soon as we got our luggage we asked about money exchange places and all of the workers directed us outside (which isn't great because once you leave you can't enter back into the airport) saying that there were none inside that were open. Once we arrive at the one money exchange counter they have outside they tell us that they are OUT OF MONEY and they can't help us. At this point we have $600 US dollars on us and 300 Indian rupees (less than $10) and we can't pay for a taxi in dollars and 300 rupees isn't enough. We then decided to try our ATM again and yet again it didn't work. We kept asking and asking for help from all different workers in different shops and all they could tell us was that we could walk about 10 minutes and try another ATM. I was willing to exchange dollars with them for rupees and NO ONE wanted to help us....it wasn't that they were rude, it was just that they weren't helpful at all!

At this point we are TIRED and my attitude is less than admirable and I am upset at Ryan (why? I don't know...I guess he was the one I could take my frustrations out on...I hate that I do that...) and I am about to cry. I realized that I had NO FAITH that God was going to help us and that somehow this would all get worked out. In my heart I had a knowledge that God was with me and that He would provide but unfortunately my actions and attitude didn't show that at all. After pacing around the outside of the airport and talking about all kinds of options we decide to go and ask the money exchange guy one more time if he can help us....of course he says "no". Just as we turn around we see some Tibetan looking people walking up to us. In perfect English they say, "Do you need help?" I wanted to scream..."YES! Please help us!" but instead I just said "yes" and smiled as I held back tears. They asked us how they could help us and said how thankful they were that we would allow them to help us. They said that often when they reach out to help people the people don't trust them and all they want to do is help. They said that they had been watching us walk from place to place with all of our bags and the kids and figured we must need help...it just took them that long to get up the courage to approach us!

We told them the situation and simply asked if they would exchange money with us. Just then they all started speaking to each other (there were 3 of them...2 guys and a girl) in Nepali...it brought a HUGE smile to my face. Here I was in dire need of help and God not only brings someone to reach out and help us but He brings Tibetan Buddhist Nepali speakers (who we work with here in Nepal and come to find out they are all from Sikkim a state in India that is mainly Tibetan Buddhist and their common language that they speak with each other is Nepali). I wanted to reach out and hug them. I felt like I was "home". They said that we didn't need to give them money and that they would help us get a taxi and would stay with us until we get in one...I started to cry. One of the guys looked at me and said, "why are you crying?" and I said, "Because I was just so nervous and I am just so thankful." These guys spent the next 30 minutes running back and forth for us trying to get us a taxi to our guest house (thankfully they also spoke fluent Hindi (the majority language of India) too...amazing!). The wait to get a taxi was about 30 minutes and they even offered for us to go with them in their taxi (which was very funny because it was a normal size taxi and they had 4 people and we had 4 people and they had 2 bags and we had 4 bags and there was NO way that we were all fitting in that one taxi...but it was sweet of them). During the wait they talked with us (and shared some about where their families live and that they are all in college there in Delhi) and tried all they could to get us in a taxi sooner. While the guys were running around the girl stayed with me and Ryan and played with Keane and Gracie...she was beyond sweet to them.

The guys ran back and said they had a taxi for us. We told them how we thought that they were a gift from God and that God had used them to provide for us. We asked them over and over again to take the 300 rupees that we had or to even take the $20 bill (the smallest bill we had on us) in order to pay them back for paying for the taxi (which cost about 400 rupees). They refused over and over again and said that they didn't want anything they ONLY wanted to help us. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. We gave them our cards with our email addresses and asked them over and over again to email us. I REALLY hope they do. As many of you know things like this DO NOT happen (OK..rarely) in South Asia and they happen rarely anywhere in the world (a complete stranger trying to reach out to you and paying for you and denying money when you offer to pay them back!). They were amazing and they are clear and vivid pictures to help me remember that I am never alone and that God is ALWAYS with me. God needs to receive all of the glory!

As I got in the taxi with my family and drove away waving good-bye to my new friends I again began to cry. I couldn't help but be broken before God and apologize to Him for my unfaithfulness...for the fact that I chose to worry about the situation instead of putting my hope, faith and trust in Him that He would work in a mighty way to help us in our time of need. As I held Keane I just wept and felt the love of God SO strongly...it was almost as if I could feel Him wrap His arms around us. It was such an awesome feeling to clearly see God's provision and work in our lives. We are NOT alone. God is with us. He is walking with us and He knows what we need even before we ask. He was faithful when I was unfaithful. I could just picture Him watching me get so upset and scared and Him just trying to say to me,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

and

"God will meet all of your needs according His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

and

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10.

Right as Keane was starting to fall asleep I kissed him and whispered in his ear, "sweet boy go to sleep tonight knowing clearly that God loves us and is holding us in His hand." This is something I know in my mind to be true but at that point (and in many other points throughout my life) I felt it deep, deep in my heart and it was the best feeling in the world.

Thank you God for the ways that you show yourself SO faithful to us. It is our hearts desire to REMEMBER your abundant faithfulness and cling to it during the very hard times when we can't see it as clearly. I love you!

Refreshed...

Today has been a wonderful day. The best word that I can use to describe my feelings right now is refreshed. I feel this way because...

1. My husband is home with me and it is wonderful. I love sharing my life with him and life is much more fun and relaxing when he is with me.
2. It is the weekend and we have been able to spend some time relaxing as a family before jumping into a very busy week.
3. Our Internet is working SO well these days and so this morning we were able to talk to Ryan's parents on Skype AND use the web cams at the same time (I was also able to talk to my parents and use the web cam with them a couple of days ago). It was refreshing to see them and to have them see the babies and all the new things they are doing these days.
4. We had a family worship time this morning and listened to a sermon from pastor, J.D. Greear, from our home church, The Summit, online. His current series is titled, "Why I am not a Christian: 7 common objections to Christianity." It is really awesome! If you are interested in getting J.D.'s weekly pod casts click here.
5. Ryan stayed home with the babies so that I could go to the hotel across the street and have some time away for a few hours this afternoon. I was able to exercise, lay out by the pool and spend some time at the beauty parlor getting my eyebrows threaded and a head massage while they washed my hair...SO relaxing.
6. While I was exercising today working on completing week 5 of my c25k running program I ran for 20 minutes (about 2 1/2 miles) straight! It is a huge accomplishment for me. Now I am officially half way through my program and have 4 1/2 more weeks to work up to running for 30 minutes straight. Hopefully I can do it sooner than that!
7. The weather was so beautiful this morning which enabled me to go and sit by the pool but now that I am finished with that I am home and the rain clouds have drifted in and we are having a full blown Sunday afternoon thunderstorm. The cool air is blowing through the screen door. Keane is taking a nap. Gracie is about to go down for hers. I am blogging. Ryan is watching a movie. Relaxing.

Refreshed. Ready to start my week...(after a few more hours of a wonderful Sunday that is).

Things I have learned and things that have been confirmed in my life since Ryan has been gone...

I thought I would take some time while it is fresh on my mind to post about a few things that I have learned and others that have been confirmed in my life through this past week or so with being without Ryan. (You can read my earlier posts about Ryan traveling by clicking Post #1 and Post #2).

1. My love for Ryan has been CONFIRMED to me through his being gone. I love him so much and I knew it of course but it just confirms it a million times over to do life without him for a while. I never want to be without him. He is my best best friend, an amazing father and the most wonderful husband.

2. The fact that raising twins is much easier and more fun when Ryan is around has been CONFIRMED in his absence.

3. I have LEARNED a lot more about being a mom and what I (with God and other's grace and help of course) am capable of. I have learned that I can take care of both of my babies by myself for an extended period of time. I have figured out "tricks of the trade" that I may never have had to figure out had Ryan been right there to help me. Tricks that will be very useful even when he is home like singing and dancing for the babies so they will stop crying or how to feed both of them at the exact same time (I am able to do this now with both bottles and baby food).

4. I have LEARNED to rely more on other people to help with my babies and to simply help me through this. With Ryan by my side, he and I have a great system as to how we take care of the babies together and we work as a team. There have been few times that we have needed to ask for help (although many people have helped us and it has been wonderful). With grandparents and other family far away it is hard to find people who I trust enough to leave my babies with or who I want to have feed them a bottle or hold them when they are crying or watch them for an hour while I run to the store or exercise, etc and the people who I would trust have their own families to be responsible for and are very busy with them (although many of them would be more than willing to take care of G and K and have offered on many occasions). Anyway, all of that to say that this week or so I have had to rely a lot more on others to help me in many different ways. I have had to step out and ask for help and have even had the girl who works in my home and her sister come a few days this week to watch the babies for an hour so I could go across the street and just get out a bit and get some exercise. That is a first for us. But through it all, everyone has been so amazing and helpful. The two days I went out and took the babies with me, people came to help me get into the taxi and all of my neighbors (the ones who live in my same house) met me downstairs when the taxi arrived in the evening to help me carry my things and the babies up the stairs. I have learned to let go more from trying to do everything myself (or just with Ryan) and have been amazed at the ways that others have ministered to me by helping me.

4. It has been CONFIRMED that I can not go anywhere completely by myself with two babies. In America I think I could (although I know it would still be very difficult) with a car, strollers and good (not dirt) roads to push the stroller around on but right now I am definitely not in America! Like I said, I did get out twice this week with the babies (once to go to a ladies lunch and another time to go to a new families flat) and both times I needed a lot of help but as you can see from #3 help was there!

5. I have LEARNED that I love having unlimited access to the computer and have enjoyed not having to share it. Maybe I need my own computer...haha!

6. It has been CONFIRMED to me that taking care of two babies by myself makes me TIRED.

7. I have LEARNED that cooking for one is so hard and I would rather not even plan a meal since it is just me eating it so I have been just eating cereal or sandwiches for dinner each night.

8. I have LEARNED that I can stay by myself at night and be OK. I know this may sound silly but I wasn't sure how I would do and was really apprehensive about it but God has been so gracious to me and so far so good.

9. It has been CONFIRMED to me how much I like blogging and enjoy reading others blogs since I have had more time to spend on blogs since Ryan has been gone and I have the computer to myself.

10. It has been CONFIRMED to me that I love being married (and that I am not an "alone" person) and wouldn't trade it for the world. I am so thankful God has blessed me with a husband who I can do life with. I can't wait for him to return home in a few days.

I miss my husband...but God is GOOD!

I thought I would take a minute and update you on life without Ryan being here. First of all, I have heard from him twice and he and all of the guys are doing really well except for the fact that it has been raining A LOT! But they said aside from that and being sore they are really enjoying their time and are right on schedule so far!
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God has been so gracious to me. As I mentioned in an earlier post this is very new territory for our family to be apart for so long but by God's amazing grace I am doing really well. Of course I miss my husband and I wish he were here BUT I am so excited for him and all that he is being able to experience and so thankful for the opportunities God has given me so far being here in Kathmandu in my home. To be honest, I haven't left my home (except for one hour to take a walk with a friend) in 4 whole days (which is a big deal for me. Usually at minimum I go to the market or to the gym each day) but God has given me amazing opportunities to serve Him and fellowship with friends from my home while taking care of the babies. I actually have been alone very little since Ryan has been gone. I have had American friends come to visit, Tibetan friends come to visit, my house helper is here almost everyday (What a BLESSING...I plan to post more about this topic later), had the sleep-over with the girls (previous post) and spent some time with a few neighbors. I am blessed to have friends who are coming to spend time with me and people I am able to serve straight from my home. I am very grateful. I was especially worried about being alone at night and God has also answered my prayers regarding that. It is certainly not my favorite thing to be alone with the babies at night but it has not been bad at all. I know God has been with me.
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The main challenge and learning has been from taking care of two babies without Ryan. Things have gone very smoothly and each day I am learning tricks from the previous day which help the next day go even smoother. The hardest part was the first evening getting them ready for bed. They are so used to eating at the same time and getting their bottle right after their bath not to mention the fact that about an hour before bedtime they start to get SOOOOOO ready for bed and I failed to prepare for all of this the first night so I unfortunately had two screaming babies all through baths and up until bottle time because they both were hungry and had to wait while the other was taking a bath and by the time I was ready to give them their bottles they were both screaming their heads off (poor things!) I usually just tend to the one who is crying harder first but in this instance I think they were both crying as hard as they could so I did what any mother of twins would probably do in that situation...I left...NO of course not! I picked up both of them one in each arm and fed them both at the exact same time. They were so hungry that it worked well but definitely is not the way I would choose to do it for each feeding. The next night I learned from my mistakes and started baths early and was able to bathe and give Gracie a bottle before Keane even realized that it was his turn for bath and bottle. Learning from mistakes (ignorant or otherwise) is so wonderful. Not my favorite way to learn but sometimes it is the only way!
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Just 6 more days until Ryan comes home. Tomorrow I don't have much planned except trying to get on a lot of stuff done on the computer. I need to do it so I am looking forward to having the time. I am so thankful that God is always with us so that we are truly never alone.

New Territory...

My husband is leaving tomorrow for a 10 or so day trek in the Himalayan mountains. He is going with 4 of his great friends and is going to be able to serve God in some of the remotest and most difficult to reach places in the world. I am excited for him and SO happy that he has this opportunity and is taking it. I can't wait to hear about all that God does and to see pictures and hear about all of their crazy adventures BUT I am also sad. I am sad that we will be apart for 10 days. We have been married for 5 years and dated for 3 before that. In our married life we have only been apart for two nights (and they weren't consecutive) and both times I was staying with family or friends. I will miss him. I know God is with me and will give me the strength I need to take care of Gracie and Keane each day and I am SO grateful that I have Lhakpa (the girl who helps me around the house) coming each day and good friends (American, Tibetan and Nepali) to help me whenever I need it. I am confident that we all will be fine and do fine BUT I will miss him. Ryan is my best friend and we do practically everything (or as much as we can do now with two little ones) together. We love being together and so it will be strange not having him around. I do have some fun things planned while he is away that I am really looking forward to such as hanging out with girl friends that are in town because their husbands are also on the trek and having a sleep-over with my good friend here and 6 of the Tibetan teenage girls from the children's home she runs. There are also some errand type things to do and of course there is always email and blogging and my never ending list of stuff to-do on the computer and then add that to taking care of my amazing babies and I am sure the 10 days will fly by. We are entering new territory here in the Parker family and it will be interesting to see how it all goes...I should be updating the blogs regularly (except that Ryan is taking the camera so pictures will be limited, I am supposed to be borrowing one from a friend though) so stay tuned....

Just one of those days...

Yesterday was "just one of those days" not a bad day, just a "blah" day. I felt that way pretty much from the moment I got up. I was sleepy, not feeling 100% and simply "blah". Then Gracie and Keane did not have their best day. They seemed to be sleepy too and we are working on getting them on a different schedule...you know moving from 5 bottles to 4 with more solids. I find it to be a difficult transition right now. Figuring out when to give the milk, when to give the solids.

The entire time that they were on just bottles, it worked amazingly well for us. It was pretty cut and dry, every 3 hours during the day give a bottle and then they would nap between practically every bottle. Even when they began eating a bit of solids it was fine too (see previous post about our schedule then) but now, at almost 7 months, that has changed and it seems to be changing so quickly, everyday I am having to re-evaluate what I am doing (I am sure many of you know what I am talking about). They are still sleepy but don't want to sleep as much because they are now so curious and into everything, they still definitely LOVE their bottles but also LOVE food. They get so excited when they see that little cup and spoon. And, trying to stretch them to four hours, figure out when to give them their solid foods (with the bottles, as a snack, some with, some separate) and figuring out when to carve out the best time for some naps in this new schedule has been tricky. I have been trying different options of schedules that are modifications of the schedule we were on and are ideas from other websites and books I have read.

Today is my third day really trying to nail a new great schedule down. I am finding that this is the first major time that trying to schedule twins has been pretty difficult. In our situation, feeding them bottles every few hours worked well and since they were eating at basically the same time for most of their feedings their nap schedule was also pretty much the same but now, with more components of the schedule to deal with, I am finding that they are more often napping at different times, waking at different times, etc.

I realize that with twins (or even for a single baby for that matter) and adding food and their personalities, that it is never going to be simple cut and dry "3:00 pm on the dot peas and then 4:00 on the dot nap for both of them for 2 hours..." I know that but what I am looking for is just a BETTER schedule then we have now. Now I know generally what is going to happen in the day but I am at a strange point where I am trying to figure out if they are sleepy and need more naps, if they are hungry and want more food, if they are missing that one extra bottle I am trying to drop each day, etc. Before when it was just a bottle every three hours, I knew (95% of the time) why they were crying and what they needed. Now we are in this muddled area that I am not sure what they are upset about because I don't have the feedings and naps down for this stage in their growth yet. They are still sleeping amazingly well through the night (6:30 pm - 6:30 am). I would like to be able to put them to bed a half an hour later or more but with the way things are right now they are SO ready to go to bed by 6:30 which works fine for me but I would like them to begin sleeping a little later in the morning and I know that won't happen until they are going to bed a bit later because they are already sleeping an amazing 12 hours...which I am SO thankful for.

And so, here in lies the dilemma which made my blah day a little more difficult yesterday because I was not in the best of spirits and neither were my two precious babies. I am looking forward to getting a good schedule worked out for all of us. The wonderful thing about having children is that even in the blah days it does not take much effort to find something that makes you smile or makes you thankful. Here are just a few things from yesterday that made my "blah" day a little brighter:

- My trip to run errands with Keane yesterday and having him fall asleep on me in the taxi.
- The fact that Gracie is beginning to crawl a bit and had the biggest smile on her face when she "broke free" from the play area we created for them on the floor.
- The times throughout the day that I would be holding Keane and he would pull my face into his just to be close to me.
-Watching Ryan lay on the floor and play with them while I got lunch made and seeing them smile at their dad.
- That even when they were both upset and crying before their bath we put them facing each other so they could see each other and they began laughing at each other so loudly for a long time.

I am so grateful to God for my family. I desire to serve them and love them abundantly. They are undeserved gifts from Him. Today I woke up feeling more refreshed and ready for the day. Right now Gracie and Keane are napping. We will see how today's "schedule testing" goes. I will let you know when we find one that works! Have a great day and don't forget to allow God to show you the many things around you that you have to be thankful for (small and big) even if today is one of your "blah days".

**Anyone have any advice for schedules that worked for you at this point??? I would LOVE to hear them!