A letter to Keane and Gracie

The other day during my quiet time God was really working in my heart. I decided to write out all the things that were going on in my head and heart in a letter to Keane and Gracie. I pray that the things that God was teaching me will also encourage you.

"Hi Two-
It is 7:30 am and I am up doing my quiet time with the Lord and thankfully you two are still sleeping (you usually sleep until 8 am...) Anyway, I've been studying Isaiah 30 and I have been so fascinated and convicted by it. It is just confirming and reminding me strongly of what I already know: that I always want to follow God and carry out His will in my life even if it is not easy or wouldn't be my first chocie if I were choosing based on my selfish motives. I never want there to be any unwillingness in my heart towards the things that God is calling our family to. There truly is no other place to be then where God wants you to be.

I don't know how much I have wrote about in these letters to you but living in Nepal is really not always easy for me. Not because of the material things or comforts that we live without here (although that is sometimes difficult) but mainly because of the emotional side of things like wanting to live near our family, raise you around your grandparents (who love you so much and want to be with you so badly) and raise you in a more "normal" way with a more "normal" (or what I have always pictured as normal) "traditional" life. I struggle against the calling we have to be here sometimes. I am not sure that God will keep us in Nepal forever but I am confident that this is where He has called us right now. I don't want to trade following HIm, being in His will, living for and serving the God who died for me for what I want, for what I desire and for what my flesh wants. Don't get me wrong....I am definitely not miserable here at all. God has blessed us with a wonderful life here but I struggle with this, with knowing God's will for how long we will be here and with being so emotional about the whole situation (your Daddy is thankfully less emotional about the whole situation and also simply desires to do what God has called him (us) to). God has provided abundantly for us here: we have a comforatable, nice apartment, good friends, good food, we get to see and do some amazing things as a family but not only that, we get to be a part of seeing God visibly work among people who have never heard of Him, we have the priviledge of working and being used by God to fulfill Revelation 7:9 and that is an ABSOLUTE honor and joy. So, I really don't want you to hear me say that I am miserable and don't want to be here at all because that is just not true. I just also think about life in America a lot and get pulled back into thinking that life there would be easier and more fun. It is my flesh and satan trying to keep my heart divided and not focused on where God has me/us now.

My prayer for you, Keane and Gracie, is that you'll always seek the Lord and His plans. That you won't run from what He's called you to, even when it is hard (and I will support you in that with the Lord's help even when it is hard for me) living a life surrendered to Jesus is the best, best way to live! It means that God is directing you , leading you, that the God who created you for a purpose is being able to carry out that purpose in your life for His glory! If you are doing this then you are doing what you were created for! The opposite is a dangerous, lonley and scary path. Living a life in rebellion to God, to the one who LOVES you and sacrificed Himself as an ultimate sacrifice for your sin may seem easier at first but believe me, there is NO joy in that. The temporal things that you would be running after do not compare to the Glory of the Lord and Him working in your life. Here are some of the verses from Isaiah 30 that really spoke to me about this:

"Ahh stubbon children," declares the Lord, "who carry out a plan, but not mine, and who make an alliance, but not of my spirit, that they may add sin to sin, who set out to go down to Egypt without asking for my direction, to take refuge in the protection of Pharoah and to seek shelter in the shadow of Egypt. Therefore, the protection of Pharoah shall turn to your shame, and the shelter in the shadow of Egypt to your humiliation...through a land of trouble and anguish, from where come the lioness and the lion...they carry riches on the backs of donkeys and their treasures on the humps of camels to a people that can not profit them. Egypt's help is worthless and empty...For they are a rebellious people, lying children, children UNWILLING to hear the instruction of the Lord, who say to the seers, "do not see" and to the prophets, "do not prophesy to us what is right, speak to us the smooth things, prophesy illusions, leave the way, turn aside from the path, let us hear no more about the Holy One of Israel." Because you despise this word and trust in oppression and perverseness and rely on them, therefore this iniquity shall be to you like a breach in a high wall, bulging out, and about to collapse, whose breaking comes suddenly and in an instant; and its breaking is like that of a potter's vessel that is smashed so ruthlessly that among its fragments not a shard is found with which to take fire from the hearth or to dip water out of the cistern." For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, "in returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. But you are UNWILLING...therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a god of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him." For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem, you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as He hears it, He answers you. And though the Lord gave you the bread of adversity and the water of afflicition, yet your Teacher will not hide himself from you anymore, but your eyes shall see your teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, "This is the way, walk in it, when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left." Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver and your gold plated metal images. You will scatter them as unclean things. You will say to them, "Be gone". And He will give you rain for the seed with which you sow the ground, and bread, the produce of the ground, which will be rich and plenteous. In that day your lifestock will graze in large pastures, and the oxen and the donkeys that work the ground will eat seasoned fodder, which has been winnowed with a shovel and a fork on every lofty mountain and every high hill there will be brooks running with water..." Isaiah 30:1-3, 6-7, 9-15, 18-25.

God has BIGGER, better, more wonderful plans for us then we could even imagine. We only see what is happening right now but He sees the big picture and knows what is ahead. I want to take refuge and protection from God alone and not in the temporal things that I think I know and that I think would satisfy me. God alone will be my refuge. God alone can truly satisfy me. Let me (let us) not put all of our hopes, dreams and lives into something that does not benefit us, does not profit us and leads to destruction. Only God knows where we should go and what we should do. I want to follow Him. I don't want to be unwilling. I don't want there to be any unwillingness in my heart. I don't want people to tell me what I want to hear, I want God to speak to me and direct me and I want to follow Him even through the difficult roads. I don't want to focus on my life and what I want and know so much that I am completely unable to be used by the Lord.

But God is SO good and so gracious that He is always there providing refuge (even if we have gotten off the path of following HIm or even if we are living in rebellion). He is there with open arms waiting to receive us, forgive us, bless us and use us. He is waiting to give us the good gifts He had in store for us from the beginning. He is patient. He is faithful. He is generous. He loves to give gifts to His children: good, amazing gifts! God knows us. He knows you, Keane and Gracie. He created us and knows what is best for us and we need to trust Him and follow Him even when it is not easy. It is the best, best way to live our lives.

It is my prayer that God would give me the strength to live like this everyday so I can hear Him clearly (what an amazing promise!) and live for Him and carry out His plans for my life here in Nepal, in America or wherever He leads me/us. I pray the same for you two, my sweet Keane and Gracie. May you have the strength to follow God wherever He may lead you and your family. You will always have my support, blessing and love because it is not about me (or you) and it is all about Jesus. I love you and will do my best (with God's strength) to live my life as an example for you. I love you and pray for you all the time!

Love,
Mommie

Absolute Best Cinnamon Rolls Recipe

I love to make cinnamon rolls. They actually are a lot easier to make than you might think. I have made them several times over here in Nepal and they always turn out great. When my in-laws visited Nepal they raved about how good my cinnamon rolls were. They even said they were some of the best they had eaten! SO when I was on stateside last year and spending Christmas with my in-laws I wanted to make the "famous" cinnamon rolls for everyone. Unfortunately when I made them in the states they were terrible (compared to how they are here)...not sure why...different ingredients, different yeast...I am sure if I tried them again in America they would be fine (it is certainly not the recipe) but it sure was disappointing. Anyway, thankfully since then I have redeemed myself and made them several times back here in Nepal and they have been delicious! I got this great recipe from my friend Crystal (I am not sure where she got it). I hope you enjoy!

Estimated Times:
Preparation: 20 minutes
Cooking: 20 minutes
Proofing: 60 minutes

Ingredients:

Dough:
- 1 packet of active dry yeast (or 1 Tbsp)
- 1 cup of warm milk (105-115 F)
- 1/2 cup of sugar
- 1/3 cup butter melted
- 1 tsp salt
-2 eggs
- 4 cups of flour

Filling:
- 1 cup of firmly packed brown sugar
- 2 1/2 Tbsp of cinnamon
- 1/8 tsp salt

Icing:
- 1/2 cup butter (at room temp)
- 1 1/2 cup powdered sugar
- 1/4 cup cream cheese
- 1/2 tsp vanilla
- 1/8 tsp salt

Directions:

In a large mixing bowl, dissolve yeast in warm milk. Add 1/2 cup sugar, melted butter, 1 tsp salt, eggs and flour. Mix well.

Dust a flat surface with a small amount of flour and knead dough into a large ball. Return to bowl and cover. Let rise for 1 hour or until dough has doubled in size.

Preheat oven to 375 F or 185 C.

Remove dough from bowl and roll out on a lightly floured surface until dough is 21 inches long by 16 inches wide and 1/4 inch thick.

In a small bowl combine brown sugar and cinnamon. Spread the 1/3 of a cup of butter evenly over the surface of the dough (MAKE SURE THE BUTTER IS ROOM TEMP AND NOT MELTED...I think this was one of my problems when I made them in the states. I used melted butter and so it just all dripped off when I stood the rolls up and baked them) and cover with cinnamon and brown sugar mixture. Roll dough from the top (21 inch side) to bottom edge. Cut rolled dough into 1 3/4 inch slices and place them on a lightly greased baking sheet. You can have them slightly touching in a baking dish (they will expand).

** see note at bottom

Bake for about 20 minutes or until golden brown.

While rolls are baking combine remaining butter, powdered sugar, cream cheese, vanilla and salt. Beat with a fork or an electric mixer until fluffy. Spread on rolls and serve!

Makes about 12 medium to large size cinnamon rolls.

** I like to make the rolls the night before I want to eat them for breakfast and get to the point just before I am to put them in the oven and bake them. I cover the uncooked roll pan tightly and leave them out overnight (I don't put them in the fridge unless it is really hot out and then I do put them in the fridge overnight and then just let them sit out for about 30 minutes before I cook them to warm them up and get the yeast working again). Then I just put them in the oven and make the icing to put on the top. This takes a lot of work out of it for me in the morning (which is great because our mornings can get pretty busy and I am often too tired).

ENJOY!!!

My God is SO faithful...

Wow it has been a LONG time since I updated this blog. I didn't really realize how long it has been. It seems each day that I think of a million things that I want to write about and then by the end of the day I can't seem to find the energy to put my thoughts into words...oh well...hopefully I will be able to find some time and energy to write about the things that God is really teaching me and all that is going on in my heart and head. For now though I want to share with you a story about how God showed His faithfulness to me SO clearly this past week that it totally blew me away:

Many of you know that Ryan, Keane, Gracie and I spent the past 10 days in India. We traveled to three cities (none of which are anywhere near each other) to visit friends and co-workers and get to "see" some of India. Overall the trip went really well and as smoothly as it could while traveling with two 22 month old toddlers (who did AMAZINGLY well considering all that we did and all the places we went!).

Anyway, even though most things went smoothly there were times that I was EXHAUSTED and worn out from the traveling and I have to admit that it often showed in my attitude. This one particular day we had just spent 5 days with our amazing friends in a city in the 'middle of India' and were traveling back to Delhi to stay the night before we left for a 12 hour car ride the next day to Northern India where we would go to Dharamsala. The only flight we could get was at night so we didn't leave our friends until 8:10 pm. That afternoon I had tried a couple of ATM's so that I could get out money for the rest of our trip and neither of them worked (I figured it was just because my bank was blocking my card from being used in India). Ryan and I decided that we would just exchange some of the US dollars we had brought with us into Indian rupees at the airport in Delhi...surely the capital will have places at the airport to exchange money.

When we finally arrived in Delhi at 9:45 pm all of us were wiped out....all we wanted to do was get in a taxi and get to the hotel. Well as soon as we got our luggage we asked about money exchange places and all of the workers directed us outside (which isn't great because once you leave you can't enter back into the airport) saying that there were none inside that were open. Once we arrive at the one money exchange counter they have outside they tell us that they are OUT OF MONEY and they can't help us. At this point we have $600 US dollars on us and 300 Indian rupees (less than $10) and we can't pay for a taxi in dollars and 300 rupees isn't enough. We then decided to try our ATM again and yet again it didn't work. We kept asking and asking for help from all different workers in different shops and all they could tell us was that we could walk about 10 minutes and try another ATM. I was willing to exchange dollars with them for rupees and NO ONE wanted to help us....it wasn't that they were rude, it was just that they weren't helpful at all!

At this point we are TIRED and my attitude is less than admirable and I am upset at Ryan (why? I don't know...I guess he was the one I could take my frustrations out on...I hate that I do that...) and I am about to cry. I realized that I had NO FAITH that God was going to help us and that somehow this would all get worked out. In my heart I had a knowledge that God was with me and that He would provide but unfortunately my actions and attitude didn't show that at all. After pacing around the outside of the airport and talking about all kinds of options we decide to go and ask the money exchange guy one more time if he can help us....of course he says "no". Just as we turn around we see some Tibetan looking people walking up to us. In perfect English they say, "Do you need help?" I wanted to scream..."YES! Please help us!" but instead I just said "yes" and smiled as I held back tears. They asked us how they could help us and said how thankful they were that we would allow them to help us. They said that often when they reach out to help people the people don't trust them and all they want to do is help. They said that they had been watching us walk from place to place with all of our bags and the kids and figured we must need help...it just took them that long to get up the courage to approach us!

We told them the situation and simply asked if they would exchange money with us. Just then they all started speaking to each other (there were 3 of them...2 guys and a girl) in Nepali...it brought a HUGE smile to my face. Here I was in dire need of help and God not only brings someone to reach out and help us but He brings Tibetan Buddhist Nepali speakers (who we work with here in Nepal and come to find out they are all from Sikkim a state in India that is mainly Tibetan Buddhist and their common language that they speak with each other is Nepali). I wanted to reach out and hug them. I felt like I was "home". They said that we didn't need to give them money and that they would help us get a taxi and would stay with us until we get in one...I started to cry. One of the guys looked at me and said, "why are you crying?" and I said, "Because I was just so nervous and I am just so thankful." These guys spent the next 30 minutes running back and forth for us trying to get us a taxi to our guest house (thankfully they also spoke fluent Hindi (the majority language of India) too...amazing!). The wait to get a taxi was about 30 minutes and they even offered for us to go with them in their taxi (which was very funny because it was a normal size taxi and they had 4 people and we had 4 people and they had 2 bags and we had 4 bags and there was NO way that we were all fitting in that one taxi...but it was sweet of them). During the wait they talked with us (and shared some about where their families live and that they are all in college there in Delhi) and tried all they could to get us in a taxi sooner. While the guys were running around the girl stayed with me and Ryan and played with Keane and Gracie...she was beyond sweet to them.

The guys ran back and said they had a taxi for us. We told them how we thought that they were a gift from God and that God had used them to provide for us. We asked them over and over again to take the 300 rupees that we had or to even take the $20 bill (the smallest bill we had on us) in order to pay them back for paying for the taxi (which cost about 400 rupees). They refused over and over again and said that they didn't want anything they ONLY wanted to help us. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. We gave them our cards with our email addresses and asked them over and over again to email us. I REALLY hope they do. As many of you know things like this DO NOT happen (OK..rarely) in South Asia and they happen rarely anywhere in the world (a complete stranger trying to reach out to you and paying for you and denying money when you offer to pay them back!). They were amazing and they are clear and vivid pictures to help me remember that I am never alone and that God is ALWAYS with me. God needs to receive all of the glory!

As I got in the taxi with my family and drove away waving good-bye to my new friends I again began to cry. I couldn't help but be broken before God and apologize to Him for my unfaithfulness...for the fact that I chose to worry about the situation instead of putting my hope, faith and trust in Him that He would work in a mighty way to help us in our time of need. As I held Keane I just wept and felt the love of God SO strongly...it was almost as if I could feel Him wrap His arms around us. It was such an awesome feeling to clearly see God's provision and work in our lives. We are NOT alone. God is with us. He is walking with us and He knows what we need even before we ask. He was faithful when I was unfaithful. I could just picture Him watching me get so upset and scared and Him just trying to say to me,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

and

"God will meet all of your needs according His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

and

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10.

Right as Keane was starting to fall asleep I kissed him and whispered in his ear, "sweet boy go to sleep tonight knowing clearly that God loves us and is holding us in His hand." This is something I know in my mind to be true but at that point (and in many other points throughout my life) I felt it deep, deep in my heart and it was the best feeling in the world.

Thank you God for the ways that you show yourself SO faithful to us. It is our hearts desire to REMEMBER your abundant faithfulness and cling to it during the very hard times when we can't see it as clearly. I love you!

Good to remember...

Right now, when giving is down all over the world including to the organization that we work for, when people are without jobs, when salaries are being reduced, when savings are being eaten up, when things are uncertain, when benefits are changing, when worry sets in, we can be comforted and reminded of what is important through these passages:

1 Timothy 6:17-19
"As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, or to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life."

Our life's hope is not in things or money. It is in God. He is the one who gives us all things and provides all things for us. We must not hold too tightly to the things of this world. We must be generous with the things we do have and realize that riches of this world are uncertain (as many of us know all too well!) but clinging to God and His promises is certain...we can build our lives on His promises to us. We can trust that life is truly found in God and we must take hold of Him. We cannot live our lives out of fear. The command that is given MOST in the Bible (366 times) is "fear not". God is telling us over and over not to fear. That He will provide all we need. That we must not be afraid of the future or what will happen with us financially. We must be generous and must serve others and be focused outwardly. God will take care of us. He is with us. We must not be controlled by fear or money or material things. We can trust Him. He is our life. Be encouraged today as I was in reading this. I am so thankful for the Lord and His promises to us.

Group 1 Crew

Ryan came across a new (new to us at least) Christian group a few weeks ago. Their name is Group 1 Crew, they have kind of a hip-hop meets R&B and pop kind of sound, which I really like. I really love their music and their lyrics and thought that you might like to give them a try too. You can download their songs from itunes. It is hard for me sometimes to find good music that I like to exercise or run to and this group has proven to be a great one to just listen to while I am at home, in the car or running and exercising. Their lyrics are encouraging and give honor and praise to the Lord. I am so happy that Ryan found them. Enjoy!

Bagel Recipe

Bagels are literally one of my favorite foods in the world. My absolute favorite are Bruegger’s Bagels but I really like all kinds and can eat them any time of the day. I had heard lately about some of my friends in America and in Nepal making bagels from scratch. I decided to give it a try and see how they came out. To my surprise they turned out AWESOME. There are many steps to making bagels but truthfully this was SO much easier than I thought it was going to be. Here is the recipe that I used today (I was originally going to use a different recipe from my friend Kim's blog because it sounded delicious and the pictures of her bagels looked great but my Internet was out when I needed the recipe so I used one my friend Judy had already given me. Give both of them a try and see which you like better!). The recipe I made, made 9 medium size bagels. They were delicious! Enjoy!

BAGELS

Combine:

1 Tbsp dry yeast

3 Tbsp sugar

1 tsp salt

1 cup warm water

Add until knead-able:

3 cups of flour (can use 1 cup whole wheat if you want)

Variation: Cinnamon Raisin Bagels

1/2 cup raisins - soak in hot water for 10 minutes. Drain and dust in mixture of 1 Tbsp of cinnamon and 1 Tbsp of sugar. Add this with the flour above.

Directions:
Turn onto lightly floured surface and knead until elastic (8-10 minutes). Place into greased bowl and turn over so top of dough is also greased. Cover with a clean towel and let rise in a warm place 30-40 minutes. Punch down dough. Separate into pieces (depending on how large you want your bagels...remember they will rise again). Shape into balls and work in toppings of choice (sesame, poppy or caraway seeds or minced onion if desired). Stick your thumb through to make 1/2 to 1 inch hole to form bagel. Let bagels rise again for 20 minutes.

Put 2-3 bagels at a time into a large pot of boiling water with 1 Tbsp of water added. Let rise to top and turn over and cook for about 1 - 2 minutes (I actually steamed mine instead and it worked great and was MUCH faster because I did not have to wait on each one to cook. Here in Nepal we can get layered momo/dumpling steamers everywhere and I just greased the bottoms of the steamer trays and put a few bagels on each layer and steamed them for 15 minutes instead of boiling them. Keep in mind when you are putting them into the steamer that they will almost double in size once they are steamed so leave room). Remove and sprinkle with salt, onion or more seeds if desired. Bake on ungreased cookie sheet 450 degrees for 15-20 minutes until brown on bottom (I decided to only cook mine for 15 minutes although they probably could have used 20 because I like to toast mine and didn't want them to get overcooked and hard before I toasted them).

I'd love to hear how they turned out!

Weight-loss, Exercise and Sermons...

The past 6+ months I have been really working on losing some weight and getting healthy. Lately people have been asking me if I have lost weight and what I am doing to lose it so I thought it was time for a blog about it all. I have lost 34 lbs since the beginning of April. It hasn't always been easy but it has left me feeling so much better about myself and I know that my body is healthier. I have so much more energy and have made exercise a part of my day that I really look forward to each morning (or sometimes afternoon, depending on the day.) I have 12 more lbs to reach my first big goal and then I would like to lose another 15 more after that. I have averaged a little more than a lb a week since I started...sometimes more, sometimes less.

One Sunday morning during the very end of March I heard an amazing Sermon (click on the link to download or listen) from my pastor, J.D. Greear about self-control and discipline. I realized then that my eating was really out of control. It wasn't that I was eating everything in sight it was just that I wasn't giving much thought to it and was not having control over my body and its desires. I realized then that I had to make some changes in my life and lose some of the weight that I had put on before and after having Keane and Gracie (unfortunately I can't really attribute my weight to baby weight because I weighed 5 lbs LESS after having Keane and Gracie than I did when I got pregnant with them). I talked to Ryan about it first. I have been on many "diets" in the past but they have all been temporary and lasted a few weeks or days or months and then once the "diet" was over I just went back to old habits of eating and living and put the weight (and often more) right back on. So, I decided that this time whatever I was going to do to lose this weight was going to have to be more about a lifestyle change and less about a "diet". I realized I needed to learn about the foods I was eating and learn how to make small changes and better choices in my life about food and exercise in order to make this change lasting.

I found a GREAT (free) calorie counting website where I could keep an online journal of what I was eating and how many calories I was consuming. It also allowed me to put in my height and my weight and it calculated the amount of calories my body needed each day to MAINTAIN my weight and it showed me how many calories I needed to eat each day in order to lose the weight I wanted to by my goal date. It REALLY helped me get started and learn about the food I was eating. I began to make small changes like saying no to mayonnaise and cheese and ordering foods grilled instead of fried or ordering light dressings on the side of my salad instead of regular on top. I knew that this wasn't something that was going to happen overnight. I knew it would take time and for the first time in my life, I was OK with that. I would rather give a whole year to trying to get to my goal weight and in the process change the way I think about food and learn to eat better than to spend the rest of my life on "quick fix" yo-yo diets, stressed out and self conscious about my weight. When you think about it that way...a year doesn't seem like a long time at all.

When we were in America for our stateside time it was very easy to count calories and keep very strict track of it all since EVERYTHING has calorie information on the labels including restaurant items (you can look up most menu items online and I did. When people would invite us to go out to eat (or when we wanted to ourselves) I would ask which restaurant they were thinking and I would go to the restaurants website and look at the calorie information for each item. Then I would make my decision then and there before stepping foot into the restaurant and when we arrived at the restaurant I wouldn't even look at the menu to tempt myself. I would just order what I had decided beforehand (what I knew was the best calorie choice and fit into my food needs for the day) and by the time everyone had gotten their food and we had all eaten I felt just as satisfied as if I would have ordered the cheesy, fried item that probably would have caught my attention if I hadn't already made my decision. I often felt more satisfied knowing what I ate was SO much healthier for me and I was one decision closer to my goal weight!).

Once we returned back to Nepal things got a bit harder to really keep exact track of (because nothing has calorie info on it here) but by that time I was two months into it and I had learned so much about the foods I was eating and how to make good choices. I knew how many calories were in a cup of rice or a piece of bread (if you don't that is where the calorie counting website will really help!) I learned it is all about balance and smaller portions. There is no magic diet out there and there is really no simple quick easy fix. Believe me, if there was the world would be skinny. It all boils down to: calories in, calories out. If you eat more calories than you body needs each day to live then you will gain weight. If you eat less calories (or burn them off with exercise) than your body needs each day to live then you will lose weight. It really is that simple. If you eat more calories in carrots than your body needs each day (that is a lot of carrots) than you will gain weight. It is not so much about the kinds of food that we are eating but the amount of food that we are eating. The healthier (and fresher and greener) the foods we choose the more of them we get to eat. I love chocolate and I have eaten something chocolate everyday since I started this new "lifestyle". I knew I had to. I had tried to completely cut it out of my diet before but once I stopped the diet then I just binged on it and ate it all the time. This way, nothing is off limits. It is just the amount that I am concerned about. If I eat a big piece of chocolate cake for my friends birthday then I just eat a very, very light lunch or dinner that day. Like I mentioned earlier, it has been all about balance for me. With God's help, I have gained control over my body and its desires for food (I know this will be a lifetime battle that I will always have to be conscious about). I have learned how to know when I am full and when to stop eating. I have learned to say no to second portions when I know I have already eaten enough. I have learned to take only a bite of something and let the rest pass by. My pastor has also said, "Sacrifice is giving up something you love for something you love more." That has been my motto throughout this entire process. I love food (especially sweets) but I love the thought of being thin and healthy and in shape much, much more than the temporary pleasure that the taste of that food on my mouth brings.

Also, since I came back to Nepal and it was harder to know exactly how many calories I was eating each day (although I always have an idea), especially since often we are eating at friends house and have to eat what they give us, I really increased the amount that I was exercising. I exercise 5-6 days a week for about 45 minutes - 1 hour everyday (on top of the normal walking I do around my community). For me, it works best to get up before Keane and Gracie do (at about 6:15 am) and do an exercise video in my living room (I love Tae-bo and Jillian Michaels work out DVD's). We also have a membership to a gym near our home so sometimes I go there as well to swim or run on the treadmill. I can honestly say that I love exercise now. It is not a chore. I feel so much better after a great workout than I did before one. Lately, I have been turning the volume off on my exercise DVD's (once you have done them a few times the commentary gets OLD and BORING and in my mind is a waste of time) and listen to a sermon while I am exercising. Most sermons are about the same amount of time (45 minutes) as many workout DVD's and listening to the sermon makes the time exercising seem to go by so much faster and I feel so refreshed from hearing the Word of God taught while I exercise. It becomes a wonderful 45 minutes for my mind, body, heart and soul.

I pray that you will be encouraged by my story. Believe me, if I can get control of this in my busy life than you can too. It is not too late and it is easier than you think. Just take one step at a time. I am still working on reaching my goals so I am right there with you. Also, maybe it is not food that "controls" you. Maybe you are not overweight but your life is "out of control" in other areas. The sermon I mentioned earlier in this post is a WONDERFUL one for anyone to listen to. As Christians we must NOT let our bodies have control over us. With God's help and strength we can overcome the things that hold us back from being the person that God intends for us to be. We don't have to do it alone and it might take some time but it is worth it!